I know time will heal, im trying to just be patient and to
keep myself occupied,it is sooo darn hard, but he is no good for me. He's cheated and lied too me but y
does it hurt so bad? how could he move on so fast and marry her like i was nothing but another victim. i mean seriously does it make sense ? how can you be engaged to someone and the day AFTER you break off the engagment be with someone else and marry them in 5 weeks.. i think seriously he has mental issues... is that what love has come 2; get rid of someone and jump on the first whore that says hey. i mean how romantic is getting married in a dang bank on a thursday. even though it hurts and i find myself in a daze wondering what the hell i was into , i come to the conclusion that things turn out insane for a reason. i mean seriously i have goals to go to law school and to open up a firm in my hometown, he is content living in his smal skanky little east gate house that smells like dog piss. why do i care so much and wonder what could have been? it was like a love triange i was sucked in . i think he is only getting married to get more money on his taxes.. i mean seriously he doesnt even know her...and im sure he's sending her flowers and crap to work because he did all that for me the first weeks... i mean she's his wife now... sooo i guess he better.. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAHHHHHHH! it effin hurts to feel used . It's rocking the very core of my being. i never saw it coming. we were supposed to be together forever. Maybe i'll get some sleep tonight. Some things can't and shouldn't be fixed. Its over for a reason, and even if im in denial about it! And starting today, im not the kind of woman who settles for broken or hangs on to damaged goods, be it a radio, a pair of shoes, or a relationship. my life is not a yard sale. It's time to get rid of all the broken stuff that i've been lugging around for days, weeks, and months...and im gonna make the bold decision to start looking for stuff that works. The bright, clean, simple, easy, runs-so-smoothly-I-don't- even-have-to-think-a bout-it kind of works. So even though i am clearly wounded, getting out of this broken relationship was the best thing possible, even if i didn't know it was broken until now.
It's hard not to rack my brain, searching for reasons why the two of us couldn't make it work, but sometimes the only real answer is the simplest one: People come together and move apart especially when they are worthless cheaters like darrin!. It's the age-old ebb and flow of relationships. Some are shorter journeys, and others were meant for a lifetime. That goes for friendships as well. We become attached to what's familiar and sometimes we hold on to things that are safe and predictable even if they're bad for us. A lot of the pain im experiencing right now is actually fear. Fear of things being different than how i liked them, fear of never finding another love, fear of being alone, fear of having to fill my time differently. honestly im afraid of the unknown. The answer to all the questions swirling in my head- What will I do on weekends? Will I meet someone else?-is "well i won't know until i get there." That's hard, and it's scary. But for the moment, i need to concentrate on what i do know-It's broken, and the longer i stay stuck in a dead-end relationship or spend my days mourning one, the less time i get on this planet to experience a great one.
So im gonna take a deep breath, steel myself, and realize that this is going to hurt for a while. There is no
quick remedy for the powerful sting of heartbreak. im going to feel like crap head to toe and run the gamut of emotions. Edgy, moody, angry, depressed, nauseated-you name it. In fact, the amount of time it takes for me to start feeling great about myself again is directly proportional to how much it sucks right now- especially because he married the retarded girl.. i mean she cant have any sense . who marrys after 5 weeks ? someone who was just engaged.. and divorced....just because my relationship is broken doesn't mean i am! .And even though its hard to make myself believe it right now this breakup is the first step toward finding someone truly worthy of my greatness.
And i have to quit telling myself things were perfect. i need to Quit dreaming this guy up. He's obviously not the person he presented himself to be when i got engaged.
i just dodged a bullet and im glad i am not in the line of fire. i can Walk away clean, with my chin up. because i gave him the world! I treated him like a king and i hope the idiot takes him for everything he's worth.. which is pretty much nothing... i mean his first wife took everything the first time and everything in the house was practicly mine soooo he's pretty much worthless...he is a manipulator who brain washes people into thinking he's some good ole' country boy with a big heart.. yeah freakin right! i have to admit.. he did a pretty damn good job of making me and my family believe it.. but someone from his past kept saying magean.u just dont know..he's a really good brain washer.. but as stubborn as i am.. i did not listen!
so bottom line im done with worrying, being confused, and uncertain.. im sick of feeling used and betrayed........... he wasted my time, but opened my eyes..
when u think u know someone.. u better think again!
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